Ramblings of a Nutbar

You’ll probably regret this.

News Alert: Kevin “Nalts” Nalty Missing, Presumed Boring

AP Newswire – Self-proclaimed viral video genius Kevin “Nalts” Nalty was reported missing earlier this morning by a group of friends referring to themselves only as “his tribe”. Upon investigation, police have leads, but are asking the public for their assistance in locating this iconoclast of sophomoric online videos.

 

“It’s possible that Mr. Nalty could be seriously injured and nowhere near an Internet connection.” stated Captain Darrian Glass of the police’s missing person’s unit. “The other option, the one that we’re not ready to think about yet, is that we’ll find him, but that he’ll turn up to be boring. We do see this a lot, especially near the holiday season. The rule of thumb is ‘the bigger the ego, the harder they fall’.”

 

If Nalts were to turn up boring, countless lives would be affected. Among those lives is a woman who would not give us her name, but kept referring to herself as Wife of Nalts. “I don’t know what to make of it. I mean, you think that someone is funny, but the next morning you wake up and find him staring at that damn coffee cup, completely silent with a tear in his eye. It makes you wonder if he’s going to wind up boring”.

 

Even The Wine Kone is now Boring

Even The Wine Kone is now Boring

 William Dahlback, professor of psychology at Sanford University says that boring doesn’t discriminate, and strikes even the most entertaining online personalities.

 

“We see that online that even the most talented content creators are mildly amusing at best. Because of this, it’s easy for an online personality to suddenly vanish and turn up some weeks later as boring as the guy next to you.”

 

Dahlback continues, “A perfect example is The Wine Kone. Several months ago he was considered one of the most amusing content creators on YouTube. Then about two months ago he vanished without a trace, only to turn up three weeks later as that guy from accounting everyone hates. This is real, and it could be happening to Kevin Nalty, even as we speak.”

 

Police are still conducting their investigation and refuse to release any potential leads, but some of the regular contributors to his site have teamed up and started a campaign to find Nalty as quickly as possible.

 

“We just want him back,” stated one website visitor who wished to remain anonymous, “but not because we’re worried about his well being. We’re just bored with posting to his most recent blog over and over until he wakes up and gets his butt in gear. It’s a real drag.”

Though not all of his site visitors share this feeling. According to another regular who goes by the name Maryland “It’s sort of refreshing with [Nalty] being gone. He has the spelling ability of a fourth grader, and sometimes I wonder if he does it just to upset me. Who doesn’t know the difference between ‘common’ and ‘come on’ anyway? Wait a second – how did you just spell my name?”

 

If anyone has knowledge on Nalty’s whereabouts, police are encouraging them to contact YouTube staff and inform them of the situation. “It’s not as though we actually want citizens to get involved,” Glass stated, “which is why we’re asking them to get in touch with the only humans on earth harder to find than Nalts himself.”

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November 12, 2008 - Posted by | Humor | , , , , ,

7 Comments »

  1. Hahahaha

    Comment by marquisdejolie | November 12, 2008

  2. haha nice! BTW, who’s Nalts?

    Comment by jischinger | November 12, 2008

  3. Good one Jim! :o)

    Comment by xjasongarciax | November 12, 2008

  4. “….he vanished without a trace, only to turn up three weeks later as that guy from accounting everyone hates.”

    LMFBO!!!

    Comment by JimmerSD | November 13, 2008

  5. hahahaha. The milk carton picture at the end makes it even more genius.

    Comment by tentiger13 | November 13, 2008

  6. […] See this post by SomeCallMeJim contributor on Nalts being MIA. […]

    Pingback by Will Video for Food » Whoops- I Forgot I Have a Blog | November 16, 2008

  7. Get back Kevin…LOL

    Comment by Brain Training | November 17, 2008


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