Ramblings of a Nutbar

You’ll probably regret this.

Bush gets a shoe, you get a game.

You know you want to…

December 16, 2008 Posted by | Humor, YouTube | , , | 1 Comment

Happy Thanksgiving!

It was a cold November back in 1492, when the pilgrims sailed the Ocean Blue. The pilgrims were a downtrodden people, as the king of Sweden was persecuting members of their religion, the Quakers. After an agonizing 4 years, 3 months, and 2 days at sea, their lead ship (the Pinto) finally washed upon the shores of a strange land. Disembarking from their ship, the pilgrims decided to explore the strange land.

The leader of the pilgrims, George Washington, was trekking through a jungle with his two lead explorers, Lewis and Clark, when they met a strange people. These people, calling themselves “indians” had lived on the land for many years, learning it’s secrets to producing produce.

Naturally, Washington was interested in a deal with these people. After two weeks of talks, the pilgrims and the indians had a conference. The pilgrims were low on food since shortly before coming over they lost their second ship, the El Nino in a terrible storm. Feeling kind, the indians agreed to bring the food. This turned out to be in the pilgrims’ benefit, as the indians prepared a large meal with care, and the pilgrims were known for bringing two pitchers of tea and a tray of generic donuts to conferences.

At the end of the conference, the pilgrims learned all the ways of the land. For this, they were very grateful, and they asked what they could offer the indians in return. The indians already knew how to build boats, and most of the skills the pilgrims had in Sweden were of no use to them. (Who really needs to know how to make swiss cheese anyway?). With nothing to give the indians, they comprimised, and instead formed 13 colonies and forced the indians into barren plots of land. And the rest, as they say, is history.

What do you think? Not bad for a guy who always slept through history class, eh? 😀

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!

November 25, 2008 Posted by | Humor, My Random Thoughts | , , , | Leave a comment

News Alert: Kevin “Nalts” Nalty Missing, Presumed Boring

AP Newswire – Self-proclaimed viral video genius Kevin “Nalts” Nalty was reported missing earlier this morning by a group of friends referring to themselves only as “his tribe”. Upon investigation, police have leads, but are asking the public for their assistance in locating this iconoclast of sophomoric online videos.

 

“It’s possible that Mr. Nalty could be seriously injured and nowhere near an Internet connection.” stated Captain Darrian Glass of the police’s missing person’s unit. “The other option, the one that we’re not ready to think about yet, is that we’ll find him, but that he’ll turn up to be boring. We do see this a lot, especially near the holiday season. The rule of thumb is ‘the bigger the ego, the harder they fall’.”

 

If Nalts were to turn up boring, countless lives would be affected. Among those lives is a woman who would not give us her name, but kept referring to herself as Wife of Nalts. “I don’t know what to make of it. I mean, you think that someone is funny, but the next morning you wake up and find him staring at that damn coffee cup, completely silent with a tear in his eye. It makes you wonder if he’s going to wind up boring”.

 

Even The Wine Kone is now Boring

Even The Wine Kone is now Boring

 William Dahlback, professor of psychology at Sanford University says that boring doesn’t discriminate, and strikes even the most entertaining online personalities.

 

“We see that online that even the most talented content creators are mildly amusing at best. Because of this, it’s easy for an online personality to suddenly vanish and turn up some weeks later as boring as the guy next to you.”

 

Dahlback continues, “A perfect example is The Wine Kone. Several months ago he was considered one of the most amusing content creators on YouTube. Then about two months ago he vanished without a trace, only to turn up three weeks later as that guy from accounting everyone hates. This is real, and it could be happening to Kevin Nalty, even as we speak.”

 

Police are still conducting their investigation and refuse to release any potential leads, but some of the regular contributors to his site have teamed up and started a campaign to find Nalty as quickly as possible.

 

“We just want him back,” stated one website visitor who wished to remain anonymous, “but not because we’re worried about his well being. We’re just bored with posting to his most recent blog over and over until he wakes up and gets his butt in gear. It’s a real drag.”

Though not all of his site visitors share this feeling. According to another regular who goes by the name Maryland “It’s sort of refreshing with [Nalty] being gone. He has the spelling ability of a fourth grader, and sometimes I wonder if he does it just to upset me. Who doesn’t know the difference between ‘common’ and ‘come on’ anyway? Wait a second – how did you just spell my name?”

 

If anyone has knowledge on Nalty’s whereabouts, police are encouraging them to contact YouTube staff and inform them of the situation. “It’s not as though we actually want citizens to get involved,” Glass stated, “which is why we’re asking them to get in touch with the only humans on earth harder to find than Nalts himself.”

November 12, 2008 Posted by | Humor | , , , , , | 7 Comments